(A coffee machine whirrs)
DAVID: There you go. That’s proper coffee, that is.
KATHY: It’s still instant.
DAVID: But the water’s from this. Meredith says it’s a proper Italian barista machine. Anyway, it all tastes the same in a plastic cup.
KATHY: Mmm.
DAVID: Now flip the bacon before all the fat runs out.
KATHY: Oh, yep.
DAVID: It’s easy enough work, Kathy. Keep the bacon rolls and coffee coming and you’ll soon get the hang. It’s nothing fancy. That’s how it’s been, how it will always be.
KATHY: You’re not worried by…?
DAVID: The chains? Don’t. They’ll not venture down the Bay. Two corner shops and a cafe have done us fine for years. Same as in my mum’s time and they’ll do for those opera singers.
KATHY: Unless they open up a coffee shop in the Opera House.
DAVID: Well, why’d they do a thing like that, hey? Let me tell you: Shirley Bassey, Tom Jones, Bryn Terfel, finest voices known to man and all ? on builders tea. Now, you listen to me, there’s been enough change in the Bay.
KATHY: All the same, that bird terrorising people over by the heleport.
DAVID: Comes with building flats out there. It’s probably a nesting seagull taking an umbrella. I know I would if I saw those flats. What, I ask you, is a juliet balcony?
KATHY: Well, it’s probably-
DAVID: It’s all the newcomers kicking up a fuss. Don’t burn the bacon.
KATHY: Ah, sorry. But some people say it’s a really big bird. Like a flying dinosaur.
DAVID: Oh, any pictures of this flying dinosaur?
KATHY: No, but people don’t carry cameras around with them on the off chance they’re going to be assaulted by a pterodactyl.
DAVID: It’s a lot of fuss and a seagull. Watch out, customer.
(The bell rings as Ianto walks through the door)
DAVID: Morning, squire. Welcome to Baps, what can I get you?
IANTO: Oh, a cup of coffee, please. Strong and black and-
KATHY: Name?
IANTO: Sorry?
DAVID: Our Kathy. She’s got ideas. We now write the names on the cups.
IANTO: Oh, no problem. Ianto. I-A-N-T-O.
(The opening theme plays)
(The bell rings as Ianto walks through the door)
KATHY: He’s back.
DAVID: Told you he’s not an opera singer.
KATHY: He is.
IANTO: Good morning.
KATHY: Coffee, sir?
IANTO: Yes, please. Wait!
KATHY: Sorry?
IANTO: Uh, the coffee made yesterday was good, really good, but listen, I’ve got some notes.
DAVID: Notes?
KATHY: Was anything the matter?
IANTO: Nothing was the matter, but-
DAVID: Told you opera singers would be fussy.
KATHY: You did no such thing.
IANTO: It was a good, very good, cup of… instant. But, I couldn’t help notice you have a proper Italian machine there.
DAVID: And it gives us a proper magic jet of hot water. So glad I’ve finally that urn(?) out.
IANTO: Aren’t we all? But listen, it can do more than that. Look, can I show you something? How this really works?
DAVID: Watch out, Kathy. He’ll be turning us into a chain. Next thing we’ll have a loyalty card.
KATHY: I said that was no bad thing.
DAVID: Mate-
IANTO: Ianto.
DAVID: Mate. My family have run this cafe since the ‘50s, yeah? This spoon here, it’s measured out the coffee since we opened. So-
IANTO: Ground espresso beans. Not the best, but-
DAVID: Are these from News and Booze?
IANTO: Yes, hence the dust. Let me show you a magic trick.
DAVID: Oh, look at Catherine Jenkins here. Think she’s a barista.
IANTO: I was actually, before I- anyway, I’m gonna make you a really good cup of coffee. Excuse me.
DAVID: What? Hey.
IANTO: Right, scoop the coffee. Goes into here, the basket. Then, tamp it down with the tamper and fit it in. Get a good tight seal and then that’s when you run the water through. Not for 20 seconds, not for 30, but for 25. The sweet spot. You’ll notice, by the way, I’m using a cup with a gently warmed base. Helps prepare the cup to serve up the aroma. There we go. Then, you top up with hot water. One perfect americano.
DAVID: Wow, well, I’m sure it’s all very well in London.
IANTO: You can charge £3 more a cup.
DAVID: Oh.
IANTO: And I’ll take one of your mugs, excuse me.
KATHY: What are you doing?
IANTO: I need to make a really good cup of coffee to impress someone.
DAVID: You impress someone with coffee?
IANTO: Absolutely. Try yours.
(David takes a sip)
DAVID: Yeah, it’s alright.
IANTO: No, it isn’t. It’s amazing.
KATHY: You’re perky.
IANTO: I always am when I’m about to ace a job interview. Sorry about stealing the mug, bye!
(The bell rings as Ianto leaves)
DAVID: Did you follow any of that?
KATHY: ‘Course I did. Why?
DAVID: Because this coffee is bloody amazing.
(The bell rings as Ianto enters)
IANTO: Here’s your mug.
KATHY: How’d the job interview go?
(Ianto sighs miserably)
KATHY: Ohhh. I know what’ll cheer you up.
IANTO: Cybernetics laboratory?
KATHY: Uh, no. Look. Proper coffee. I’ll give you a clean mug. Do you want syrup? Dave’s got some in.
IANTO: Syrup?
KATHY: Syrup.
IANTO: No, thank you. Syrup is admitting defeat.
KATHY: And are you?
IANTO: Nope, I’m getting that job.
KATHY: You- sorry, you don’t strike me as…
IANTO: A go-getter?
KATHY: No.
IANTO: Hidden depths. You probably think I’m a bit weird.
KATHY: Noooo.
IANTO: I had a good job in London. Now I’m staying at a caravan site in Bute Park.
KATHY: Some of those vans are really nice.
IANTO: Not this one. But there’s a power hookup, so.
KATHY: You can get Channel 5 in the evenings.
IANTO: All the luxuries. You? What brings you to Cardiff?
KATHY: Love.
IANTO: You and…?
KATHY: Me and David?
IANTO: Am I walking in to a trap?
KATHY: Met a guy called Gerait(?) . Stopped travelling to be with him. One evening on the dancefloor he said, ‘I love you.’ Just out with it like that. Of course, I said ‘I love you, too.’ Turned out he was saying ‘I love Hugh.’ His best mate. Embarrassing. Actually, they’re quite a nice couple, but still, dead to me.
IANTO: Obviously.
KATHY: So, there we are. In Cardiff. Saving up to go back travelling again.
IANTO: Anywhere nice?
KATHY: Not here. What about you?
IANTO: You know on profiles where you can say it’s complicated?
KATHY: Who says that, you?
IANTO: Let’s just say I’m married to my job.
KATHY: The one you don’t have?
IANTO: The one I don’t have. I need it. And I have to stay here.
(David enters from the back)
DAVID: Stay in Cardiff? Nah, there’s weird stuff in Cardiff, you wanna get away.
KATHY: David’s just had enough of the development.
DAVID: And the opera singers. Mind you, they’ve started flocking here now we do the proper coffee.
IANTO: Fancy.
DAVID: But, they’re mithering about the bloody birds.
IANTO: The birds?
DAVID: It’s a giant, killer seagull.
KATHY: Ah, a pterodactyl.
IANTO: Ah. Hm. Really?
(The bell rings as Ianto enters)
KATHY: Usual, Ianto?
IANTO: Yeah, yeah, yes please. You look- you look busy.
KATHY: I know. David might buy a dishwasher.
IANTO: Still the styrofoam cups, though.
KATHY: I’m working on it. Getting the posh paper ones. Better than styrofoam, too. It’s recyclable.
IANTO: Yeah.
KATHY: You’re not really listening. You’re wearing a suit.
IANTO: Oh, it’s my lucky suit. I, uh, got the job.
KATHY: Congratulations! Guess you’ll be sticking around now.
IANTO: I will.
KATHY: What’s it doing?
IANTO: Sort of, well, uh, personal assistant. Butler.
KATHY: You ARE working at the opera house.
IANTO: No, just can’t really talk about it.
KATHY: It’s the gas board, isn’t it? It’s okay.
DAVID: Let me just fill that pepper for you, Bryn. And you. Glad. Go easy on the brown sauce, it’s not a dirty protest. Oh, there you are, I didn’t see you come in. I was busy putting up more missing posters.
IANTO: Oh.
KATHY: It’s a thing of David’s.
DAVID: Lots of people go missing in Cardiff.
IANTO: Do we joke about it?
DAVID: We do not joke about it.
KATHY: It’s not just the pterodactyl.
DAVID: Well, that’s gone missing too now.
IANTO: Oh, fancy that.
KATHY: I thought you said it was a seagull.
DAVID: Well, I did until it went missing. Now it’s definitely a pterodactyl and I pay your wages, so. You mark my words, Cardiff’s a dangerous place. And if it wasn’t that this is the family cafe, I’d have moved on.
KATHY: Also, £3.50 coffees, raking it in.
DAVID: Do you want a dishwasher or don’t you?
IANTO: Well, I think Cardiff is perfectly ordinary. The only thing unusual about the Bay is this coffee which is extraordinary.
KATHY: Wow.
DAVID: Yeah.
IANTO: Too much?
DAVID: Fried bread’d call that oily. Do you know something?
IANTO: Nope.
KATHY: That was a yes. It was.
IANTO: I’ve really got to get to work.
KATHY: Good luck.
(The bell rings as Ianto leaves)
DAVID: He’s in to you alright, Kathy. You can tell by the way he’s running away.
KATHY: Shut up, David.
(David laughs)
KATHY: One bacon sandwich.
IANTO: Thanks.
KATHY: Anything else?
IANTO: No, thank you.
KATHY: Sure?
IANTO: Yes, thank you.
KATHY: Of course.
IANTO: Only…
KATHY: Coffee?
IANTO: Yeah. Nice to have it made by someone else for a change.
KATHY: They’ve got you making the teas then? Work going well?
IANTO: Yeah.
KATHY: Great.
IANTO: Great.
KATHY: There you go.
IANTO: Thanks. I should be there by now, but, uhm…
KATHY: Flexi-time?
IANTO: Not really. I just don’t think anyone’ll notice.
KATHY: There’s more to life than work.
(David enters and laughs)
DAVID: No there bloody isn’t.
KATHY: You were at the cash and carry a long time.
DAVID: The traffic. Give us a hand with the milk, Kathy.
IANTO: Oh, let me.
DAVID: No, no, no, you stay there. People like you, you’re what’ll keep us going. (?) makes this city better. My mum, oh, she had a soft heart. The free teas she’d hand out. They all smiled, but uh, no one ever… showed up when she needed them. No wonder this city’s in the state it’s in now. I always told her, if-if you work hard and you pay your fare, you’ll make your own way and she’d always laugh. But look at me now. I’ve a regular in a suit, sitting eating a sandwich. Things are looking up.
KATHY: Ianto!
IANTO: Hi……!
KATHY: Kathy.
IANTO: Of course, sorry, miles away.
KATHY: Working late again?
IANTO: Yes.
KATHY: Cleaning up, just had my smoke break.
IANTO: Don’t get those. Busy busy at the Tourist Information Centre.
KATHY: That where you work?
IANTO: Yes.
KATHY: Ah, cool. Only…
IANTO: Yes?
KATHY: Tried to use it when I arrived here. It’s never open.
IANTO: It is, I work there!
KATHY: So, if I popped in tomorrow, it’ll be open and you’ll be there.
IANTO: Uh, absolutely.
KATHY: Great! Great.
IANTO: But, you’re not a tourist.
KATHY: I can see why they gave you the job.
IANTO: I’m sure I could spare you a leaflet.
KATHY: You are kind. There’s rumours, you know. David’s told me… stuff.
IANTO: Oh, yes?
KATHY: A strange and shadowy organisation work in the Bay. You heard anything?
IANTO: No.
KATHY: You work in the information centre.
IANTO: Exactly. And if there were such an organisation, I’m sure I’d have seen something.
(An SUV comes racing down the road and splashes a puddle over Ianto)
KATHY: Oh, no, you’re soaked! That big black car.
IANTO: Damn, damn.
KATHY: Look at your suit.
IANTO: I’m trying not to.
KATHY: That car…
IANTO: Never seen it before in my life.
KATHY: That car’s something to do with the secret organisation. You always see it out and about when-
(There is popping in the distance)
KATHY: Woah!
IANTO: Old engine backfiring.
KATHY: You sure?
IANTO: Yes.
(There is a bigger explosion and Kathy gasps)
IANTO: Twice?
KATHY: As I was saying, you always see it about when weird stuff happens.
IANTO: I’m sure it’s-
(David comes over, out of breath)
DAVID: Bloody hell, the Dragon Centre’s on fire.
IANTO: There.
DAVID: Blue fire.
KATHY: Mmm.
DAVID: I told you. I told you this place- Cardiff’s no damn good.
KATHY: So, no luck then?
DAVID: What do you think?
(David storms away into the cafe)
IANTO: Is he okay?
KATHY: Listen, I found out. The other day I made one too many jokes about him saying this city was weird. That was when he told me about the secret organisation.
IANTO: Right.
KATHY: And about the other stuff. His mum… it’s why he’s running this cafe. ‘Cause his mum vanished. She’s one of the missing.
IANTO: Oh.
KATHY: Want another?
IANTO: I’ve had enough coffee.
KATHY: We do decaf?
IANTO: Wash your mouth out with soap.
KATHY: They’re really working you at the Tourist Information.
IANTO: They are. Long days. Long nights.
KATHY: I know. Look at all the tourists taking in the evening air.
(David enters on the phone)
DAVID: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I hear you Roger. You’ll be fine. Just go out, have a large one. I’ll maybe look in later. Get you, all work and no play. I’ll make an effort. Yeah, yeah. Urban legend, mate. Urban legend.
(He hangs up the phone)
IANTO: Oh, take a seat.
DAVID: Heard the gossip?
IANTO: Almost certainly not.
DAVID: People shagging in nightclub bogs are-
KATHY: Bursting into flames!
IANTO: No!
DAVID: Also, you know Roger’s friend, Sleazy Keith?
KATHY: Eugh.
DAVID: Happened to him. Nothing in his room but a pile of dust. Housemates think he’s sodded off to Fuerteventura again without tidying up. But now, Rog is convinced he’ll turn to dust next time he pulls. Mind you, it’s been so long for him, he’ll probably shoot dust.
IANTO: Charming.
DAVID: But, you know what I think? I think that Keith’s another one of the missing. And that secret group down in the Bay…
KATHY: The ones Ianto knows nothing about.
DAVID: They cover it up.
IANTO: News to me.
KATHY: Really?
DAVID: Well, this is Keith.
(David holds up a photo)
DAVID: He’s….
IANTO: Mullered.
DAVID: Yeah. But there we go. Another missing person. And, uhm, here, well, this is.
(He holds up another photo)
KATHY: His mum.
IANTO: Ah.
DAVID: Walked out to the cash and carry last summer. Never came back. It’s not even a good cash and carry.
KATHY: That’s not the point.
DAVID: I want to know what happened to her. Look at that wall behind you, those people, they’ve got families, they wanna know.
IANTO: I’d help if I could.
DAVID: Would you? Good. So many people go missing. Police, yeah, they start investigating and then they go real quiet real quick, very polite.
IANTO: Right.
DAVID: Aliens. That’s what’s been hushed up in Cardiff. Blue fire and pterodactyls and missing people. It’s aliens. It’s bloody aliens.
IANTO: I see.
DAVID: It’s happening every day. And this city, it doesn’t care anymore.
(Ianto knocks on the door and Kathy lets him in)
IANTO: You’re closed!
KATHY: Obviously.
IANTO: But…
KATHY: ‘Cause it’s you. Mum always told me never date a man who can’t boil a kettle.
IANTO: I taught you how to use that machine.
KATHY: But can you boil a kettle?
IANTO: I deserve a treat.
KATHY: Really?
IANTO: Staying open late tonight to welcome a special guest.
KATHY: At the Tourist Information Centre?
IANTO: Yep. From Japan.
KATHY: That’s nice. Ianto. There.
IANTO: Thank you. Aw, you drew a heart by my name.
KATHY: I did. So, Japan. Good service.
IANTO: The best. Actually, he’s coming as a treat for my girlfriend.
KATHY: Oh. That’s great.
IANTO: I think it will be. And I think this will be just the pickup I need. Thanks, Kathy, you’re the best.
(Ianto leaves)
KATHY: Am I? Great.
DAVID: Hello, sailor. Kathy told me. Romantic side to you. Rough night, eh? Eh?
IANTO: Yeah. Four coffees, please. Three white, no sugar.
DAVID: Fair play. Coming right up.
(Kathy knocks on the door of the Tourist Information Centre)
KATHY: Come on. Come on. Come on, open up!
(Ianto opens the door)
IANTO: Hello!
KATHY: Hi.
IANTO: Haven’t seen you for a while.
KATHY: You’ve not been in.
IANTO: No. So, you, uhm, you came to the Tourist Information Centre.
KATHY: Yes.
IANTO: To check on me?
KATHY: Yes.
IANTO: Only now is not a good time. Bit of a rush on.
KATHY: With tourists?
IANTO: And their information, yes.
KATHY: Only at the cafe, we’ve got a tourist. One you might wanna see.
IANTO: Right. Blimey.
DAVID: You can see why I thought-
KATHY: We thought.
DAVID: Kathy and I of calling you in.
KATHY: Not that you know anything about the unusual.
IANTO: No, no.
KATHY: But-
DAVID: He’s not our usual customer.
(The man groans)
IANTO: Well, yes. That is a caveman.
DAVID: Yeah. Full on Fred Flintstone. Appeared at the table. Out of thin air. He seems as confused about it as we were.
KATHY: But the metal around his face.
DAVID: It’s some kind of circuitry welded onto his skin.
KATHY: It looks really painful.
DAVID: You ever seen anything like that before?
IANTO: Nope. Hello.
(The man grunts)
KATHY: Who would do that to someone?
DAVID: Aliens.
IANTO: You know, he seems house-trained.
KATHY: Docile.
DAVID: That’s a better word.
KATHY: Thank you.
IANTO: I’m gonna take you for a walk.
DAVID: What, to the Tourist Information? To give him a map?
KATHY: Dave.
IANTO: Alright, look, it’s time I told you the truth. People are appearing out of time all over the city.
KATHY: And he’s, what, from the distant past?
IANTO: No, the far future.
DAVID: Oh, you’re kidding.
IANTO: No. The point is, people are washing up here. We’re rounding them up, for our protection and yours. Because we’re Torchwood.
KATHY: Torchwood?
DAVID: I knew it.
IANTO: Yes. And we keep this city safe.
(The city is in chaos - sirens and screaming)
DAVID: Everyone, everyone in the shop, come on. Out of its way, whatever the hell it is. Come on!
KATHY: Oh God, everyone, everyone inside. Inside. Where’s Ianto?
DAVID: Not keeping us safe, that’s where he is. Look at all of this. Get inside the bloody shop. Look at all this, th-they’re just dropping dead. It’s aliens, bloody aliens. Everyone’s dying and there’s no sign of Torchwood. Not when it matters. Harold Saxon’ll put a stop to all this.
(The bell rings as Ianto enters the cafe)
KATHY: Look who it is.
IANTO: Hi!
KATHY: Not seen you for…
DAVID: Been in hiding?
IANTO: I’ve been away.
DAVID: Yeah. Noticed you weren’t around when we could’ve done with you.
IANTO: Tibet. We were needed in Tibet.
DAVID: You were needed here.
KATHY: David.
DAVID: So many people died. And what happened to Harold Saxon, then? Plus, a dealer in Bridge End says fish keeps nicking his sports cars.
IANTO: Right.
DAVID: Right, I should’ve-
KATHY: Kept that last bit out?
DAVID: Yeah, but-
IANTO: We’re back now.
DAVID: Great.
IANTO: And I brought you a present. Coffee beans from Tibet.
DAVID: Right. Very kind of you.
IANTO: Grind them, use them in the machine.
DAVID: And what about everything else?
IANTO: Find a way to keep going. That’s what we’re doing.
DAVID: What, business as usual?
IANTO: Business as usual. Tell me more about the fish and the sports cars.
(A huge explosion happens and everything is muffled)
KATHY: David! David!
DAVID: Kathy! Kathy!
KATHY: Some kind of explosion!
DAVID: A blast. It’s got to be.
KATHY: David, David!
DAVID: Kathy.
KATHY: David!
(A heart monitor machine is beeping)
KATHY: Hurts.
DAVID: Don’t try to speak.
KATHY: Okay. If-if I can’t speak, are you gonna say something?
DAVID: Uhhh. Shop’s fine.
KATHY: Okay.
DAVID: Broken glass everywhere. All the cups: smashed.
KATHY: Cups?
DAVID: I remember mum picking them out. Maybe it’s time for some new ones.
KATHY: Yeah.
DAVID: I should be able to find the same design again. Y-you look- well, they’ve said your face, it’s-it’s worse than it looks.
KATHY: Huh?
DAVID: I-I mean, uh, it looks worse than it is. Sorry. Sorry, sorry.
KATHY: It’s okay. Relax. You’re in shock.
DAVID: They’re saying it’s terrorists. But who’d attack the Senedd? The only government to put up anti-tank defences you can drive around if you’re in a hurry.
KATHY: Mmm. So, you think…
DAVID: I know, I know, but Kathy it WAS an alien attack. Another alien attack.
KATHY: David.
DAVID: Sure, sure, moving on. The, uh, the reason our cafe is okay is that News and Booze took the brunt of it. The street’s filled with this weird stuff in the air, like dust. Turns out it’s prawn cocktail crisps.
(Kathy laughs and grunts in pain)
KATHY: Ow.
DAVID: Sorry. Sorry.
KATHY: Don’t be.
DAVID: Hang on, back in a tick.
(Kathy can hear Ianto and David talking behind the curtain)
IANTO: How is she?
DAVID: Fuck off.
IANTO: Right then, thank you.
(David comes back)
DAVID: Where were we?
KATHY: Ianto!
IANTO: Kathy! Hi.
KATHY: Busy day?
IANTO: Uh, actual Norwegian tourists asking where the Norwegian church is. You’re, uhm, looking good.
KATHY: Better than I was. I brought you a coffee.
IANTO: That’s nice.
KATHY: Plastic cup. Don’t know how hot it is.
IANTO: No, it’s great.
KATHY: We’ve got new mugs.
IANTO: Really?
KATHY: You should come and see them.
IANTO: I-I didn’t want to. I thought I wasn’t, you know.
KATHY: City centre gets blown up, people get strange.
IANTO: It would’ve been a lot worse if we hadn’t-
KATHY: Sure! And I’m sure David knows that.
IANTO: Right. Oh, you can tell him, it WAS aliens.
KATHY: That’ll make his day.
IANTO: Thought it would. Aliens aren’t all bad, you know. But, I’ll admit, the evidence to the contrary.
KATHY: Don’t push it. I’m still waiting for my eyebrows to grow back.
IANTO: Yeah.
KATHY: Thing is, I’ve finally saved up enough to move on, but should I stay?
IANTO: Huh?
KATHY: This city, I mean, you know, there’s other places, without all the…
IANTO: Alien stuff.
KATHY: Yeah. I mean, London’s out.
IANTO: Obviously.
KATHY: But Glasgow?
IANTO: Nuh-uh.
KATHY: Really?
IANTO: We’re there too.
KATHY: Okay.
IANTO: You’ve got to be ready.
KATHY: But, Glasgow? Aliens landing there are gonna have balls. The world is such a mess, isn’t it?
IANTO: It could’ve been so much worse.
KATHY: That’s all you’re offering me as consolation?
IANTO: It’s Torchwood’s backup motto. Look, it’s not all explosions.
KATHY: Still going.
IANTO: Some alien stuff can be exciting.
KATHY: For you, not for us.
IANTO: The other day, the green sunset, the one that people came and took photos in front of.
KATHY: They never did.
IANTO: It’s your profile picture.
KATHY: You-
IANTO: We’ve a powerful computer with no sense of personal space. The point is that that sky was a lost race signalling that they were ready to come home. Ten thousand years in the darkness and we found them and got them home. Those were the lights.
KATHY: They were beautiful.
IANTO: Next time- next time there’s fire and screaming, remember the pretty lights. It might help. Thanks for the coffee.
DAVID: What can I get you?
IANTO: Thought I’d show my face.
DAVID: Takeaway, is it?
IANTO: Uh, americano.
DAVID: Okay, coming right up. What name shall I put on the cup, sir?
IANTO: Oh, don’t do this. You’re doing this. Okay. Ianto.
DAVID: Thank you, sir.
IANTO: Kathy. Do I get a welcome from you?
KATHY: A small one. That’ll be £3.70, please.
IANTO: Has he put the price up just for me?
KATHY: That’s the price now.
IANTO: Okay.
KATHY: Says it on the board behind me.
IANTO: Sure. Could you ask him to stop blaming me?
KATHY: It’s not personal. Here’s your coffee.
IANTO: Uh, John, okay. Oh, creative. He’s drawn a cock and balls on the foam.
KATHY: It’s the little touches. Give him… space. Being blown up takes time to get over.
IANTO: He burnt the beans. And syrup. The monster.
DAVID: You sit there.
KATHY: Honestly, David, I’m fine. Serve some customers.
DAVID: No, no, you’re good. You’re good. There aren’t any customers. They all… cleared out when you started screaming.
KATHY: Oh, sorry about that.
DAVID: Yeah. Planning on doing that all day?
KATHY: Sure! The coffee place in the opera house doesn’t have a screaming waitress. I can’t remember something silly.
DAVID: What?
KATHY: Can you remember where I’m from?
DAVID: Indiana.
KATHY: Okay! There we go. Funny, ‘cause I can remember your eighth birthday. You had it in here and your mum baked a cake and-and why can I remember that?
DAVID: Kathy-
KATHY: Your dad said he’d come, but he didn’t and you pushed the cake on the floor and-
DAVID: Please, please don’t.
KATHY: Oh, my head is weird right now. Wait, there’s something else you keep thinking. It’s about me.
DAVID: Stop!
KATHY: Wow, it’s- oh, it’s becoming clearer.
DAVID: Okay then, uhm, please let me say it first. Kathy, I-
(Ianto walks in, out of breath)
IANTO: Hello. Not interrupting, am I?
KATHY: Ianto!
DAVID: Ianto!
IANTO: Ianto, yes, so, large amount of Ottican energy came through the Rift last night.
DAVID: Ottican?
IANTO: Don’t. Last month we had a sentient galaxy called Sandra. Spelling totally different, but it did the whole ‘Kneel before the might of Sandra’ thing, we were in bits. Anyway, Ottican energy. Telepathic nanocluster, and I’m tracing it here, so not to alarm you, but is anyone behaving oddly?
KATHY: Oh. His name’s Jack. Oh, I see.
IANTO: What?
KATHY: Sometimes you like to play naked hide and seek together, anfd, oh, you lose deliberately.
IANTO: There we have it.
KATHY: And every day you put a sandwich in his coat incase he gets hungry. That’s really sweet.
IANTO: So, okay, Kathy, sorry about this. Nothing to worry about.
KATHY: Do you know what my sister’s name is? Because I don’t.
DAVID: Are you saying that you let aliens do this to her?
IANTO: No, Dave, I’m saying that I’m here to stop this happening to her. It’s what I do.
KATHY: You have a sister. Her name’s Rhiannon, and-and sometimes you wonder if she only phones you to have a fight.
IANTO: As you can see, David, I have a massive vested interest in stopping this. Ottican energy builds a giant cloud of shared memories. On their worlds, there are no secrets.
DAVID: Bloody hell.
IANTO: Some worlds welcome them. But I don’t think the Earth is quite ready. For one thing, they scramble the memories of the hosts and for another-
KATHY: Wait, David, you voted for them?
IANTO: There’s that.
(Kathy breathes sharply in pain)
IANTO: Also, it can’t quite get the hang of human brains. Nothing to worry about.
KATHY: Why do you have a clear memory of three people’s heads exploding?
IANTO: Damn. Okay, we’ve got the hang of it now. Problem is, Ottican energy overclots human brains to, uh, boiling point. You know how that ruins a cup of coffee, David.
DAVID: Yes.
IANTO: So, we don’t want that to happen.
KATHY: Aww, you still cry everytime you hear Bright Eyes. And Dave is so jealous of you because-
IANTO: If you leave the room right now, David, you might be out of their reach. Make it easier to extract the energy in this perfectly safe device. Tried and tested.
KATHY: Oh, wow, those people last night, their eyeballs went flying across the room.
IANTO: Tosh got it wrong the first time.
KATHY: And the second.
IANTO: Not helping. Limit the input.
DAVID: How?
IANTO: Go unload the dishwasher.
(David walks away)
DAVID: I-I’m only over here if you need me.
KATHY: Will do. Oh, there’s something Dave really wants to tell me and I can see it, even through this wall, and- ah. OWWWWW, oh. Oh, it’s gone now. Is that it?
IANTO: That’s it.
KATHY: Huh. David! I can’t tell what you’re thinking anymore! Relax.
IANTO: You may notice a few after effects as your head resets itself, a few filters may be missing.
KATHY: Your ass is magnificent.
IANTO: Thank you.
KATHY: Also, when Dave’s being a dick, I steal a tenner out of the till.
DAVID: Did I miss anything?
IANTO: No, no.
KATHY: No.
DAVID: And she’s okay?
IANTO: Energy removed and will be going back through the Rift. Back to normal.
KATHY: David, I wish you’d stop wearing those lumberjack shirts, you look like a tablecloth.
IANTO: Nearly back to normal. Relax. Sometimes Torchwood saves the day and no one gets hurt.
(A series of explosions. People run away and scream. A bit of time passes and Kathy is sweeping away glass from the floor)
KATHY: More explosions. And there’s rumours we nearly had a nuclear meltdown. No one’s taking responsibility.
DAVID: Well, we know what that means. Let’s take a break.
KATHY: I’m fine.
DAVID: So? I’m shattered. One good thing about owning a cafe is that you can help yourself to bacon rolls. And these rolls need using up. No one’s coming in for them, are they? I’ll fix us a coffee. Is instant okay?
KATHY: Sure.
DAVID: Mind, I’ve done what I can, but I can’t garuantee there’s no glass in the cups.
KATHY: Let me have a look. Stop being such a drama queen, they’re fine.
DAVID: Twice my shop’s been blown up this year.
KATHY: On the upside, we’re getting good at putting it back together.
DAVID: I dunno. I dunno if I can keep on.
KATHY: You can.
DAVID: I said, I-I said I was keeping this place going for mum, but she’s-she’s not coming back, is she?
KATHY: She might.
DAVID: I go looking for her every night. I put up posters. But look at that wall, look how many have gone missing. Its like the world’s forgotten she’s even gone. But I-I haven’t. And I’m not getting over it.
KATHY: Dave…
DAVID: There comes a time, you know, when you just, you know. Hope’s a luxury for other people.
(Ianto runs up to the cafe, out of breath)
IANTO: Hello. David, Kathy. How are you? I would open the door, but it’s, uh-
KATHY: We last saw the door over in Mount Staurt Square.
IANTO: And the little tinkly thing’s in Ponty.
KATHY: Probably.
IANTO: I came to see you’re okay.
DAVID: What does it look like? This is a ruin. And now I’m uninsurable. You know what they’ve got in contracts now? Extra-terrestrial acts exclusion clauses. I thought flood damage was bad enough, but we are screwed. But you, you don’t give a f-
KATHY: David.
DAVID: No, no, it needs to be said. He needs to hear it.
KATHY: Just change the record, will you? Look at him, he’s shattered. Ianto, have a seat. I’ll make you a bacon bap and a coffee.
DAVID: Only instant. Water pressure’s gone in your fancy machine.
IANTO: Well, we’ll just see about that. Oh, look, here are those Tibetan beans.
(Ianto pours some into the machine and turns it on)
IANTO: Someone’s not even opened them. Because someone is in a snit with me. So, hot drinks are rituals. They’re an easy way of finding common ground. What better way of proving you’re a friend than offering a stanger some boiling water to fling in your face. Or maybe humanity never thought that one through. Oh, look, the water pressure’s fine again. There’s still hope in the world. A cup of coffee is a way of showing a bit of pride.
KATHY: When I was backpacking, you’d be in the middle of a desert and out would come the teapots.
IANTO: Exactly.
KATHY: It’d take twenty minutes, but, oh, it was worth it.
IANTO: Wasn’t it? Coffee is the same performance, art, and a love of… perfection. Now then.
(He places a cup of coffee in front of Kathy)
KATHY: Thank you.
DAVID: Smells good.
IANTO: When you taste it, it’ll make you regret leaving it on the shelf.
DAVID: Well, I-I saw something on Attenborough and wondered if it’d been squeezed through a cat.
IANTO: No. How are you both?
KATHY: Scared.
DAVID: Yeah. The aliens. You’ve gotta stop the bloody aliens.
IANTO: This time it wasn’t an alien. It was a human from the future, yes. Just like you and me. Funny. You think the future would be flying cars and curing cancer and actually it’s-it’s just us. But worse! Much worse!
DAVID: You okay?
KATHY: David.
IANTO: Very tired. Not sure how much longer I can do this job.
KATHY: We could all go somewhere? Start another coffee place. Caerphilly. Very Caerphilly.
IANTO: You only get to do that job if you’re Welsh, and then never.
DAVID: Oh, this coffee.
IANTO: Exactly. And also, this bacon roll. Oh, there are still good things in the world.
DAVID: Thanks. Gotta use up the bread.
KATHY: It’s only bread.
DAVID: Hey, still an overhead.
IANTO: Tell you what, I’ll take some back for the team. Can I have five? Can I have three?
KATHY: Oh.
IANTO: It doesn’t matter.
DAVID: I’m sorry.
IANTO: I said it doesn’t matter.
DAVID: Well, shit, man.
KATHY: Don’t go.
IANTO: Actually, I was going to ask, who’s been putting that plywood in the window? Because that is one bad job.
DAVID: Well, actually, I thought it’s not too bad.
IANTO: David, hold this board and watch. I am about to show you one end of a hammer from another.
(Ianto hammers in a nail and the noise fades out)
KATHY: Would you care to take a seat, sir?
IANTO: What’s this?
KATHY: Dave’s got a permit. Four tables on the pavement. Making the most of the summer.
IANTO: Very Perisian.
KATHY: Beaut Street Boulevard. (She speaks French)
IANTO: More of a fleeting visit, checking in.
KATHY: Well, you seem happy.
IANTO: Is that the word? Don’t know. What do you call it when you stop waking up screaming.
KATHY: Summer in the Bay. David’s thinking about doing sorbet.
IANTO: Steady on.
KATHY: He spied some tubs on special at the cash and carry.
IANTO: Is Cardiff ready for that?
(David walks outside from the cafe)
DAVID: There you go, gents, two bacon salads. Oh, Ianto. Hello.
IANTO: Hello. You, uh, well?
DAVID: Nothing, uh, nothing, nothing bad’s happened. Still waiting for the other shoe to drop.
IANTO: Me, too.
DAVID: Oh, we’ve been trying frappuccino. If you want to try one.
IANTO: Oh, that’s kind.
DAVID: Maybe give me a week to get it right. Balancing the cinnamon.
IANTO: Cinnamon? Sure will.
DAVID: And let me know if anything’s coming our way.
IANTO: Honestly, everything’s quiet.
DAVID: Well, that’s what I’m worried about.
(Rain is pouring and David is crying)
KATHY: Come on, let’s open up. Let some people in, it’ll do you good. David, David.
DAVID: Those things.
KATHY: Don’t think about them.
DAVID: The-they just killed.
KATHY: I said we shouldn’t open again.
DAVID: I thought-I thought it would help. We all saw what happened, they were on the streets. The ships in the sky, the air burning. But the politicians, they make out like it never happened. How long- how long can they expect us to just carry on as normal? It’s-it’s not normal.
KATHY: No. No, it isn’t.
DAVID: I-I’d move. I-I-I really would. But where’s safe, huh? I thought it was Cardiff, but nowhere’s safe. Nowhere. Not while there are those things coming for us. They never stop.
KATHY: No.
DAVID: I want… I want my mum.
(It’s raining again and Ianto is running)
IANTO: Oh, hello.
DAVID: What the hell?
IANTO: Sheltering from the rain.
DAVID: It’s 2am.
IANTO: Still rains at 2am. So, fancy seeing you here.
DAVID: Oh, Kathy’s told you what I do at night.
IANTO: Looking for your mum. Yeah.
DAVID: Were you following me?
IANTO: No. Actually, I was following an encursion reconnaissance drone. Just making sure it still thought humanity would be ready for contact and hadn’t bumped into a stag do. Ha.
DAVID: Right. Putting in a good word with the aliens, is it?
IANTO: Making sure they don’t get the wrong impression. That can get unfortunate.
DAVID: And these-these incursion-
IANTO: Encursions.
DAVID: How do we know that they’ve not been taking humans. Abducting them, like.
IANTO: They’re the size of gerbils.
DAVID: Okay, fair point, fair play, but my point-
IANTO: I get it. You don’t like aliens.
DAVID: Well, can you blame me? City’s been through a lot. Not sure how much more I can take. I’ve lost my mother to aliens, I’m losing my business to them, and-and probably next it’s gonna be my life. It’s a lot.
IANTO: I agree. It is a lot, but try and take a nuanced view. I know that sounds hard.
DAVID: Oh, what you trying now, grief counselling?
IANTO: I’m just saying.
DAVID: You’ve never lost someone to an alien, have you? Anyone you love. I can tell. Oh, have you?
IANTO: Look, try not to view all aliens as evil. Just as you got some customers who are really, really annoying, yeah? But not all of them. Please, God, tell me it’s not all of them.
DAVID: They’re not all like you.
IANTO: Well, there we are.
DAVID: I really, really don’t like you.
IANTO: I know.
DAVID: Then why do you keep trying with me?
IANTO: Because I’m likeable. I’ll get there in the end.
DAVID: Find my mum for a start.
IANTO: Cardiff is on a complicated space-time event. People go missing and we do what we can to get them back, but it’s not a predictable process. Sorry.
DAVID: When you wake up tomorrow, you’ll realise what a bloody useless answer that was.
IANTO: I’m trying to make you understand.
DAVID: Well, don’t. Do your bloody job. Stop the aliens. I best be making a move, looks like it’s easing off.
IANTO: It isn’t.
DAVID: I was being polite.
IANTO: That went well.
(An alarm is blaring and something is hissing)
KATHY: Keep back, Dave.
DAVID: Kathy. Kathy, look out. Get away, you.
(The thing continues hissing and David tries hitting it with a broom)
KATHY: It doesn’t seem scared of that broom, just pissed off.
DAVID: Shoo!
KATHY: Ahhh.
DAVID: Oh, there they go. Torchwood. Late as ever. Good job they don’t try putting out fires.
IANTO: Wait, you two. I’ll handle this. David, Kathy. Get in the car please, sir. Stop looking at him like that and get in the car. If you wouldn’t mind. Thank you.
(The creature gets inside the car and the SUV drives off)
KATHY: What was that thing?
DAVID: My bloody arm.
(They walk inside the cafe)
KATHY: It just came running and David, well, he wacked it with a broom.
DAVID: I was just protecting my property.
KATHY: Right.
DAVID: And now look at me. Look what it’s done to my arm. Probably growing alien spores inside me.
IANTO: Let’s sit you down in the light. Pop the kettle on, would you?
KATHY: Hot drinks?
IANTO: To sterilise things, okay?
KATHY: Ah.
(Kathy walks off)
DAVID: Bloody disgusting aliens. Spores. I’ve seen Alien.
IANTO: You’re just stressed and that’s letting the anger out.
DAVID: Oh, you don’t know how I feel.
IANTO: Let’s, please, let me look at your arm.
DAVID: They hate us and yet, you lot, you cover for them. You care more about them than us with your tax credits for space gerbils. While we lose everything. And, ow, ow, ow, ow. Ow, my arm really, really hurts.
IANTO: Okay.
DAVID: But, no no, you’re all nuance and decrees and niceness. Just for once, I’d like to see you make some hard choices.
IANTO: Okay then. That arm’s gotta come off.
DAVID: Ah, what? Wha-wha-what?
IANTO: It’s the only way, I’m sorry. You’re right, the toxin’s spreading. If we’re quick, we can go in above the elbow. Have you got a hacksaw? No, probably not.
DAVID: Will you just-jus-ju-just-
IANTO: No time to wait for the ambulance and Owen, he was our doctor. He’s dead, so I guess, if you just sit there. Kathy, can you bring in a sharp knife and all the tea towels?
KATHY: Eh?
DAVID: This isn’t happening, this isn’t happening.
(David starts crying)
KATHY: Uhm.
DAVID: He’s gonna cut off my fucking arm!
KATHY: What?
IANTO: We. We are going to have to cut off his arm. Kathy, would you mind holding it down across the table?
DAVID: Hold on, hold on. Just hold on.
IANTO: Bread knife.
(Ianto takes out a knife)
IANTO: Serrated edge, that’ll do. Hope you keep this sharp, I don’t want the next few minutes to be worse than they have to.
DAVID: The next few minutes?
KATHY: David. He’s fainting.
(She slaps him)
KATHY: David!
DAVID: No, no, no, stop. Stop this, I’m not letting you cut-I’m not letting you touch my bloody arm. I-
IANTO: You’re going into shock as the toxins shred your nervous system. Sit back down and let’s get on with this. Now, if I tie this around your arm about here. Oh, look it’s Castle Coch (???)
DAVID: Oh, my God.
KATHY: Well, there must be something we can do.
IANTO: Yes, yes, you can hold him down and don’t let go. The flesh’ll be the quick bit. The bone-
(David groans out in pain)
KATHY: I told you not to attack it, now look, oh, God, Dave, I’m so sorry.
IANTO: Good job you’ve got no tattoos, isn’t it? Otherwise it’d look a bit odd.
DAVID: Fu-fuck-okay, okay, just get it over with. Dang, just get it over with.
IANTO: Right then, Kathy could you just dip a clean towel in the hot water?
(She does)
KATHY: Here you go.
IANTO: Thank you. I’m just gonna tidy the surface area, okay.
(David screams out in pain)
DAVID: Hurry, hurry, hurry, I can feel the alien stuff inside me. Oh God, oh God, get it out. Please, please!
IANTO: Patience. Let’s clean this up. There we are. Brave soldier boy. Have a little blast of this and you’re nice and tidy.
DAVID: Well, come on then, come on.
IANTO: It’s a scratch. I’ve cleaned it, that’s it.
DAVID: Wait, you’re not gonna cut my arm off?
IANTO: No, ‘course not.
DAVID: What?
IANTO: I’ve cleaned the blood off and sterilised the wound with Rutherford light. That’s all. The Druhon are scrupulously clean, anyway. The ambassador was lost, that’s all. Probably shouldn’t have hit him with a broom. Nearly caused an intergalactic incident. But, it’ll be fine because the Druhon are very nice.
DAVID: This-this was all- this was all a stupid joke? You’re sick.
(David gets up and walks away)
KATHY: Oh.
KATHY: So, that was some stunt.
IANTO: I thought it was quite an effective lesson. Aliens aren’t as bad as he thinks.
KATHY: I think, and I’m just saying this off the top of my head, that it was a massive dick move.
IANTO: Uh, David’s a stupid bigot and he assumes it’s all about him. I’ve tried with him, I really have and he’s just horrible to me. I can see why you like him, but he hates me and everything I do and I work so hard and I know it’s never enough in his eyes but my life is really difficult and he’s just mean to me all the time.
KATHY: You can stop talking now.
IANTO: Can I?
KATHY: Did you really think that you were teaching him a lesson by pretending to saw his arm off?
IANTO: Well, he now knows you can’t be killed by touching an alien.
KATHY: I think it’s more he knows you’re a massive prick.
IANTO: Hello.
DAVID: Mmm.
IANTO: Uh, Kathy’s outside having a cigarette while I apologise.
DAVID: Right, what you did-
IANTO: I know. I was trying to prove a point.
DAVID: ‘Could be worse, you could be missing an arm.’
IANTO: Put like that…
DAVID: I am putting it like that. You’re not gonna make me like aliens just because you wave a bread knife around.
IANTO: Again, I am so sorry.
DAVID: Nor are you gonna make me value what you do for a living. Because, and no offence, I think you make a great cup of coffee. And a lousy defender of the Earth.
IANTO: Okay. Ouch, but okay. We don’t get it right all the time.
DAVID: Any of the time.
IANTO: Why don’t I make us both a cup of the only thing I’m good at?
DAVID: Giving you time to think of what to say?
IANTO: Maybe.
DAVID: Well, I would help you, but I’m short an arm.
IANTO: Fair play. So.
DAVID: So.
IANTO: First thing’s first, the Earth isn’t in danger because of Torchwood. The stuff that happens, it’s coming anyway. We make it less bad.
DAVID: That’s your-
IANTO: One of our mottos, yes. Torchwood, like life, are slightly better than the alternative, and the reason I do my job is to help, not aliens, but people. Like you.
DAVID: Ha, seen bugger all of that.
IANTO: You hit an alien warlord ambassador with a broom. I stopped him disintegrating you with his eyes. His actual death ray eyes.
DAVID: Okay.
IANTO: People like you are the reason I do the job. Because I’m one of you, and I make sure I never forget. It’s why I come here. To remind me of what normal life is. Because what I’m fighting for isn’t intergalactic peace treaties and star gerbils, but a decent cup of coffee and a really unbeatable bacon roll.
DAVID: I see. Our bacon rolls are that good?
IANTO: Well, they’re okay, but I’m still apologising.
DAVID: Noted.
IANTO: Now, another thing. I can do nothing to help, but I can listen. Tell me something. Tell me all about your mam.
DAVID: What, her disappearance?
IANTO: No. Tell me about who she is.
KATHY: Yeah, yeah, okay. Look after yourself, bye. It’s the same back home. My sister’s kids all started doing it on the beach.
DAVID: Saying ‘we are coming’? My aunt is in hysterics. Primary school teacher. I mean, the kids are all chanting the same message.
KATHY: Yeah.
DAVID: At first she thought it was a prank. But it’s not.
KATHY: Nope.
DAVID: It’s aliens.
KATHY: David.
DAVID: Not the good kind, just saying. Not the good kind. Everyone’s panicking.
KATHY: Yeah.
DAVID: He gave me his number. Incase, incase of an emergency.
KATHY: I’m sure they know about it.
DAVID: Yeah, but- but people are scared and if I can tell them that Torchwood, Torchwood are looking out for them, are protecting them…
(David dials the phone and no one answers)
KATHY: I knew he’d be busy. They’re probably, I don’t know, government meetings, even the Senedd.
DAVID: He’ll pick up.
KATHY: Dave.
(Suddenly Ianto answers)
IANTO: Hello, is that the car insurance people? Thanks for calling me back, I need to make a claim. Also, the lifelike replacement policy. I’m gonna need it really quickly.
DAVID: Uh, no.
IANTO: You’re not the car insurance people?
DAVID: No, no, it’s David. From Baps.
IANTO: The coffee place? Oh, right. Yes?
DAVID: Sorry, I know things must be a bit mental for you at the moment, but, the voices…? What the kids are saying, are we gonna be okay?
KATHY: It’s well creepy.
IANTO: That it is. Listen, Torchwood are on it. That’s all I can say. We’re ready. Sorry, so much going on today. I’ve got to, uh…
KATHY: Save the world?
IANTO: Yep, among other things, but then later, yes, I’ll definitely save the world, so, uh…
DAVID: Of course, mate. You go. Speak soon.
IANTO: Mhm. Bye.
(Ianto hangs up)
DAVID: Hm. There you go.
KATHY: There you go. Not much to tell people.
DAVID: They’ve got a lot on.
KATHY: We all have. But, he says they’re doing stuff. So, they’re doing stuff. Let’s get tidied up. Business as usual, people will come in.
DAVID: Absolutely.
KATHY: Look, I know they were your mum’s, but could we get some new tables?
DAVID: You’re not gonna want tablecloths?
KATHY: No, but, you know, old wood.
DAVID: Old tables? From junk shops?
KATHY: Yes.
DAVID: With no varnish? Always thought that was a bit unhygienic.
KATHY: No, it isn’t. It’s classy.
DAVID: Who do you think we are? The coffee shop at the opera house?
KATHY: No, we’re better than that. Come on. Business as usual.
DAVID: People’ll need coffee. They always do.
(A huge explosion)
KATHY: Oh, my God.
DAVID: It’s like the whole Bay’s caved in.
KATHY: Yeah.
DAVID: It’s all gone.
KATHY: I just- David.
DAVID: It’s okay, it’s okay.
KATHY: That was Torchwood. Someone blew up Torchwood.
DAVID: Yeah. Oh, Ianto. Is it okay that I’m hugging you?
KATHY: Just this once. Do you think he was in there?
DAVID: Let’s hope not.
KATHY: He got out. He had to get out, they all did.
DAVID: It’s massive, isn’t it? All that was under our feet all this time.
KATHY: Tourist Information Centre.
DAVID: Yeah.
KATHY: There-there’s people. They’re bringing something out. Is it a body?
DAVID: Don’t-don’t look.
KATHY: It’s in a body bag. It’s fine, so long as…. So long as it’s not him. What the hell happened here?
DAVID: I don’t know. I just don’t know, but it’s not good.
KATHY: The coffee shop at the opera house is completely wrecked.
DAVID: Don’t.
KATHY: But it is. Just saying.
DAVID: Oh, my God. Kathy, you are terrible. Oh, I don’t believe it. Those bloody kids.
KATHY: Looters.
DAVID: Hey, hey you, that’s- put that back that’s not yours! Get out of there, that’s not yours! That’s Torchwood’s!
KATHY: Well, they ran off.
DAVID: With whatever they nicked.
KATHY: Still, listen to you. Sticking up for Torchwood.
DAVID: Yeah, well… you’re still hugging me.
KATHY: Yes. Yes, I am.
DAVID: Okay then.
KATHY: ‘We are coming.’ That’s still happening.
DAVID: Yeah. And we need Torchwood more than ever.
KATHY: Good morning, welcome to Baps.
DAVID: We’re changing the name, just decided.
KATHY: His mum liked it.
DAVID: Still, time for something new.
KATHY: Since we’re staying put. Together.
DAVID: So, what can we get you?
ANDY: Well, according to a friend, you make the best coffee in Cardiff.
KATHY: Your friend?
ANDY: His name was Ianto Jones. He saved the world.